Guh.

First week of school. Excuse me, but you may have to communicate in a series of grunts and hand gestures as my mind seems to have liquefied.

I honestly meant to write after my first day but, wow. School, work, home to do my online class and homework and then it was bedtime already! Barely any time for dinner!

So much information... So many new experiences... So many new people and ideas and places... So much crammed into five little days. All I can say is TGIF!

This first week has been exhausting but deeply satisfying. My professors are clever, witty people who obviously love what they do. The homework hasn't been overwhelming at all - I've completed every assignment so far either on time or before. Things I didn't even know I knew - like how to multiply decimals - have been slowly surfacing. Oh dear, my clever seems to be showing!

The exhaustion stems mostly from my change in schedules. Instead of a leisurely nine a.m. clock-in time, I'm in my first class at 7:30. I go straight from school to work, and leave there at 7:30 p.m. That's right people - twelve hour days.

Also, I'm a Virgo. My routine is everything, and my routine has been severely disturbed. This has made me ever-so-slightly cranky. That, and the fact that I haven't had one second to keep up with housework and things are starting to pile up... Guh.

But I'm learning and adapting and I'll make it through. I have no doubts.

Orientation, novels, and bouts of doubts.

I had orientation for school this week. It was really, really great. They said people who take the FYI "class" (yes, we get a credit for attending) are more likely to succeed at school. I can see why! They gave us test taking tips and note taking tips. We attended mock classes and workshops on different topics. It really was incredibly helpful and a good way to introduce new students to what they're getting themselves into.

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Speaking of "getting myself into", I've been getting the jitters. Over the last week I've had so many moments of, "My god, what have I done?!" The doubt, people. It is tough to combat. I've wanted this for so long, yet now that it's here, I'm getting a little scared.

I haven't lost my resolve. I'm just as determined as ever to do this. But my fierce, total blind optimism has been tarnished, a bit. The practical things are weighing on me: being in school full-time, working full-time, homework, sleep... not to mention, how will I ever keep up with the housework?! And I'm going to be doing this for at least six or seven years! I know I've got a great support system, and Phil will jump in and help when asked, but still... Wow. What a lot I've got on my plate. Self-inflicted, admittedly.

It helps to hear that people believe in me. I've been hearing it quite a bit, and it's definitely a boost. People have loaned me books about how to get through nursing school. I've gotten encouraging emails. Phil tells me at least once a day, in his calm, matter-of-fact way, that he knows I won't have any problems. That man is, and has always been, my rock.

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I have gotten two of my school books in the mail already. One of my required English 101 books is a novel written by a Pacific Northwest author. It's called The Art of Racing in the Rain, by Garth Stein. By the cover and what I'd heard about the book, I was a little blah about reading it. I picked it up reluctantly yesterday with the intent of reading a couple pages to see if it would be an easy read.

I DID NOT PUT THE BOOK DOWN.

Do you hear that, people? I honestly, seriously, read the entire book last night. The whole thing, start to finish. I couldn't stop reading. The voice of the book is beautiful, the ideas and images are captivating, haunting and lovely. It didn't hurt that a few chapters in the mentioned midwives and home birth in an extremely positive light! There were points when I yelled with frustration at the situation the characters found themselves in, and points where I cried because it was just too beautiful. This book sang to me in a way no book has in a very, very long time.

I suggest reading it. Please do, if you can. I promise it will not disappoint.

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A week from Monday. September 21st. My birthday, and my first day of school.

I'm ready. Let's do this!

So grateful...

I haven't even started my journey yet, and already I feel like Someone Out There is watching out for me.

Because of the whole 30 day wait for my financial aid check, I needed a little help with books and school supplies. I got the brilliant idea to hold a Garage Desk Sale at work. I brought in a bunch of books I don't read anymore, and some odds 'n' ends to "sell." I wrote in the classifieds at work that it was for donations to help me get my school books and such. Phil, my boyfriend, thought it was a cheesy idea and didn't think much would come out of it.

HAH! I have never been more happy to prove him wrong!

By the end of this week, I will have made almost $100! All the books have sold, and most of the toys. In addition to the great outpouring of love and support from my friends at work, I got a donation from a complete stranger in the form of...

SCHOOL BOOKS!

That's right - someone donated her old school books to me! I have a huge box full of biology, chemistry, A&P, and medical texts! Even some medical terminology flash cards!

Wow. Just... Wow! I couldn't believe how much people are rooting for me!

Another good bit of news... Our room mates are moving out (that's not the good news!) and we have decided to look for a new room mate instead of trying to shoulder the rent payment on our own. I put another ad in the classifieds about it and within two hours someone had come to me with the PERFECT solution.

Her husband is working on his PhD. He needs office space outside their home, away from their five-year-old daughter. She has a penchant for coloring all over his books and papers. She said he might be interested in renting out our upstairs as his study/workspace! Do you know how great that would be for us? Someone who would allow us our private time, but would be paying rent. Someone who knows the value of quiet study time. Someone who would, at the end of the day, be almost a ghost!

This isn't a done deal but if you could keep your fingers and toes and etc crossed, I'd appreciate it very much!

Things are just falling into place. I was giddy today, telling Phil what happened. "Why are you surprised? This is what you asked for," he said. It's true. It feels like that mysterious Someone Out There is paving the way for my dream to come true, in ways I never even imagined were possible!

I'm so grateful and so happy. And ready to go! Twenty more days...

One month!

One month until I start school. One month, people. It feels like it's been coming for ages! My new adventure awaits!

Why did I choose midwifery? It's all, "Boil some water and get some clean towels. You, lay down in the hay and bite on this stick!" right?

Well, no. Not really.

First misconception: midwives are strictly used in home births. Not anymore! More and more hospitals are staffing midwives and opening alternative birthing centers. My hope is to work in a hospital setting for a few years (after I get my nursing degree, during my midwifery studies) before starting or being part of an off-site birthing clinic.

Second misconception: midwives are old witchy ladies who bring a stick for you to bite and not much else. No way! Midwives are trained professionals. They have an array of tools in their arsenal, and plenty of knowledge in emergency situations. Even at a home birth!

Third misconception: midwives aren't as fully trained as doctors and are dangerous. No, no, no! Midwives cannot perform cesarean births, that's true. But midwives can typically prevent them in the first place! This study compared births at an alternative birthing center to births in a hospital setting. There were no more maternal deaths in the midwifery clinic than in the hospital. Neonatal ICU admissions for both were similar. But midwife care had a greater number of vaginal (vs cesarean) deliveries, and a lower instance of epidural use. For low-risk women, there were less "technical" interventions (epidural, augmentation) at the birthing center than at the hospital. And in quite a few cases, those "technical" interventions snowball, one after another, right in to cesarean births.

So midwifery is good, yes? I believe so. Yes I do.

My first memory involving pregnancy was visiting my eight-months-pregnant aunt when I was seven or so. She showed me her belly and explained where the baby was. She let me touch her belly and I remember so clearly thinking, "Wow, it's not soft like I thought it would be. It's like there's a basketball in her tummy!"

That moment sparked my fascination with pregnancy and childbirth.

I thought being a doula would assuge that thirst for knowledge and allow me to serve and uplift women as best I could. Well, it has, but at the same time... I know I can do more. I have the brains and the compassion to do this. I have the passion to take this love of women and desire to help them succeed and push myself to the next level.

I want to heal the birth experience in this country. I want labor and birth to be a loving, safe, beautiful experience. I want women to get in touch with their strength and power - strength most don't know they posess! - and create an environment of their choosing to bring their children into this world. I want women to get involved in the process, empowering themselves and their families.

I can do this. One month more month and there's no looking back!

Kerfuffle!

There was a bit of a kerfuffle regarding my financial aid. Ooh, the panicking that ensued!

Apparently I didn't take an online credit responsibility test for my loans? I swear, I've never heard of such a thing. Then again, the last time I was in college - a decade ago - I paid for my two classes out of pocket. The letter offered me work study and about $450 in state needs grants. I couldn't even imagine working full time, taking 16 credits, and doing work study to cover my tuition. Panic!

Everything is taken care of now, hopefully!

I'm waiting on a new letter letting me know the amount they'll cover. Then there's a 30 day wait after the first day of school before they disburse checks. School starts in just about a month. I'm hoping we can scrape together enough to buy books at least. Getting a laptop can wait, I think.

In other news, we picked up an old roll-top desk from my mother. You know, for studying purposes. It's slowly coming together. Pens, desk calendar, day planner, highlighters, notebooks... All that's missing right now is a desk lamp and, oh yeah, a chair might be nice! :D In the immortal words of Tim Gunn, we'll "make it work!"

I'm so excited! C'mon, September!

you're a... what now?

What is a doula?

Whenever I drop the word "doula" casually into a conversation, it's usually followed by a blank stare.

A doula is, generally, a labor coach. The word "doula" comes from old timey Greek, meaning "woman who serves" and was a slave who helped the lady of the house through childbearing and birth. These days a doula is generally the same, minus the slave bit.

There are actually two types of doula. A birth or labor doula is a woman who will sit with you while you try to tear her arm off in the middle of labor and try to beat her to death with it. AND she will usually smile and encourage you to do it, if it helps. A postpartum doula is a little different. This woman will come into your house, help with meals and chores and childcare while you get a chance to bond with your newest addition. Some women are trained in both labor and postpartum care.

What are the benefits of hiring a doula?

A doula is a woman experineced in childbirth who will provide you with continuous support through out your labor - physical, emotional, and informational. According to the book Mothering the Mother, by Kennell, Klaus, and Kennell, studies have shown women who choose to have a doula present at their births may benefit in the following ways:

50% reduction in cesarean rates
25% shorter labor
40% reduction in the use of oxytocin (pitocin)
60% reduction in epidural requests
40% reduction in forceps delivery
30% reduction in the use of pain medications

If you want to try a natural labor, a doula is a must! She will be your advocate, your coach, your gopher, your personal masseuse. She will be the one with your birth plan in hand, helping you follow it to the best of your ability. What she will not do is take the place of your significant other. In fact, doulas are trained to get your partner more involved, if that's your wish!

But I want an epidural! Can I still hire a doula?

For sure!

Most doulas will support you, no matter what you include in your birth plan! The only catch, for me at least, is that you know the risks and benefits of each intervention before you go into labor.

All right, but how much is this going to cost me?

Depending on where you live, the rate could be anywhere from $200 to $700. Some doulas will accept payment on a sliding scale. If you can find a doula student, she may offer her services for free, just for the experience!

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I love being a doula. I love the idea of helping women acheive their dream births. It's empowering, and life altering, and sacred. Unfortunately, working full time and going to school full time means I won't been able to support women like I'd like to. But it's all for the better good, my dears.

Next up... Some personal info about yours truly!

Nice to meet you!

My name is Katrina. I'm a certified labor doula through Childbirth International.

My birthday this year will mark the beginning of a brand new journey. I'll be starting school all over again, at the age of twenty-nine.

I'm going to be a certified nurse midwife.

I can hear the questions now! Why a midwife? What's a doula? Where are my pants?

There will be answers, I promise! For now though...

Nice to meet you!